I’m rallying the troops

Troops

I have a big day on Thursday – the four month PET scan. In my story, the scan is clear, aka cancer free, and I live happily ever after. Are you with me?

I’m keeping it simple, but that’s the gist, and I need everyone on board. Connect with your prayer groups, light your candles, cross your fingers and toes, send your healing energy my way, think positive, visualize a clear scan – I’m looking for your best effort here, whatever your best effort looks like.

It’s scheduled for 7:20 am. I know you’re not all morning people. Grab a cup of coffee for me, since I have to fast, and join the collective circle of support. I know there’s no guarantee, but I know this can’t hurt.

I’ll find out the results a day or two later. If it’s clear, I will still need to finish three more chemo infusions, the last one on June 11, but I will be done with the treatment protocol. I will be cancer free.

Cancer is challenging for a lot of reasons, but getting comfortable with putting my normal life on pause has been very difficult.

Patience has never been my strong suit, but as I’ve gotten older, I thought I was getting a little better at it. I was wrong. It’s wearing thin. Actually, it snapped a few days ago. It was not pretty. I could tell my blotchy, tear stained face and the “I’m sick of this” that eeked out between sobs caught my oncologist off guard. “Tell me what’s going on,” he said.

No one likes a complainer. Get over yourself, I always think, when listening to someone whine. Change your situation. Choose your attitude. Someone always has it worse. While I can’t change my current situation, I can certainly choose my attitude. Most days, I’m successful. Just last week, I attended a stress management training at work. The facilitator asked, “Who started this gray, rainy day thinking it was going to be a great day?” I was one of only a few who raised their hand. I think I’m mostly successful starting each day with a positive attitude. I know the day may bring brain fog, stomach issues, and a low energy level, but I know I can choose the attitude with which I face these challenges.

My positivity is being tested. “I’ve been so fortunate with the side effects, I hate to complain,” I told Dr. Asik. “The headaches used to only be for a day or two, but each chemo, they’ve lasted longer and longer.” “Is your head pounding?” he asked. I struggled to find the words to describe the pain. I wake up the Sunday morning after a Tuesday chemo infusion feeling a combination of dull pain behind my forehead and eyes and a general fogginess that makes it a challenge to engage in conversation with my family. The headaches have extended further and further into the week.

“It hurts.”

I have a lot of allergies, and can break out in hives, so usually I limit pain relief to Tylenol. That has had no effect on the pain. We discussed options, which included a prescription for Percocet or trying a higher than normal dose of Advil. I decided to try the Advil. It hasn’t eliminated the headaches, but it’s reduced the pain and allowed some moments of clarity.

I’m a little tired of this. Actually, if you’ve been around me lately, you know I’m a lot tired of this. Just yesterday, my husband mentioned his friend Chuck had checked in, thinking I was done with the chemo, based on the original timetable. “Did you tell him I am hanging on by my fingernails?” I asked. My husband replied a little too quickly, “Yup.”

A clear scan will pull me back from the ledge. I’ll still get headaches. My energy level will still require hanging out with Bucky on the couch. There will still be a wave of panic on the Monday night before chemo. Tears will still be near the surface. But a definite end will be in sight.

What if the scan is not clear? What if the cancer reoccurs at some point in the future? What else can I do, but go to plan B? Stay tuned.

20 thoughts on “I’m rallying the troops”

  1. My prayers and positive thoughts will be with you Thursday morning and in all the days leading up to Thursday. You have been a warrior and you will continue to be one. And I am a morning person so will be with you spirit at 7:20 on Thursday. All the best ❤️

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      1. I am a morning person too. So I will have a cup of coffee for you, say a prayer for you and send you healing positive energy. You will beat this! 🙏💕

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  3. Linda, I’ve ALWAYS thought of you as a positive person!!! Your smile quick, your words of encouragement to others, sincere. If you feel you are s “complainer” now … you are far from it!! And to say someone always had it worse, while there may be some truth in it, it doesn’t change your reality. You are Warrior in the truest sense of the word. You are the one experiencing this journey … and you don’t have to be strong every minute of every day. Allow yourself to have a whining party – you’re only human (a remarkable superhuman human, but nonetheless still human).
    We all love you and you know collectively we will build a wall of positivity so high NOTHING gets through!! We will be holding your hand virtually and giving you a big squeeze … ❤️❤️

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  4. We will all be holding you in our community hearts, Linda. I don’t have great words here, only to say that not a day goes by when you are not asked about, worried over, prayed for, and very, very much loved.

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  5. You will receive nothing but positive energy coming from South of you. I get my results too from some minor surgery I had a couple of weeks ago on Thursday. Crossing my fingers for you and me both. If there is anyone on this planet that can channel sunshine and positivity to kick cancer in the butt, it’s you Linda.

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    1. Bev, I miss you! I’m sorry to hear you are also struggling with a health issue. I will be thinking of you Thursday and will bring your smile and laughter to keep me company during the procedure. Sending positive energy right back to you for your results!

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  6. Linda, I’m helping you hope for the best possible result! Whatever the outcome, I wish you continued strength and braveness.

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  8. You are constantly in my thoughts Linda. I will probably be running at 7:20 on Thursday so will be sending you extra positive thoughts and prayers at that time and will run an extra mile for you. ❤️❤️

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  9. Linda..you are always in my thoughts..and being an early riser..I will add extra good wishes and prayers for you at 720 on Thursday and thereafter.!

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